I Am My Own Worst Enemy

That phrase has been heard often enough, I am my own worse enemy, but how many of us actually understand it? Last week in my seminary class I had a lesson on loving oneself, and it got me thinking how truly hard it is. It is easy to compliment others on their hair or their clothes, but when it comes to us we can’t seem to accept people’s compliments. We are our own worst critic, seeing every flaw even when they don’t exist. It is like the people who say that they are fat when they wear a size 2. That just bothers me.

I continued to think on it though. What does loving oneself truly mean? I have decided that it means that you respect your self for who you are, and you accept yourself for all the weaknesses and flaws that you have. When you love yourself you see your strengths as well as your weaknesses and you work hard to become all that you can be. Loving oneself it not egotistical, it does not give you rights to brag, it is to accept who you are, appreciate where you have been and what you have become.

When we have self respect then the whole world is open to us because we know that we can do anything. Even when we fail we can pick ourselves up once again because we are optimistic that things will change because we can do so.

Loving oneself is hard, it is not an easy journey to take, but I can only hope that once I reach that point, my love for others will grow as well as my love for God. Today I will stop being my own worse enemy and try to be my own best friend.

No Man is An Island . . .

"No man is an island unto himself." These famous words written by John Donne have been sticking in my mind for the past couple of days. I seem to find myself more and more alone lately as I hide in my room pouring over textbooks and writing essays, but the more I think about it, I can never be truly alone. I cannot hide away on my personal island, because even though I may shrink away from the shore, as soon as I look up I notice more and more islands besides me. This makes me exceptionally grateful to my friends and family who are always right besides me, supporting me, helping me.

Being alone, I think, is all an allusion. You can be surrounded by people but feel completely alone, or be all by yourself and reading an old letter written by a dear one and feel their love reach out to you over oceans and mountains, or even across just the street. Being alone, I think is a choice that we all make. We choose to be social, or to cast ourselves out of the group. True, some may take more effort than others, but in the end, we can't really blame people for ostracizing us because we chose it. If we really want to be apart of something, then we just have to do it. People are willing to welcome you if you make the effort to do so.

No man is an island because we are all a part of something much bigger. A community. A friendship. A family. Even if you don't feel like you belong, you do. People care about people and so they care about others, about you, about me.

All The Small Things

I don't think that we give thanks as often as we should. Small things happen every single day that go unnoticed, unthanked. We, or at least I, forget to say thank you so many times a day it hurts me to think about it, especially since I only thought about it in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Some of the small things that I am thankful for are:

- Music: especially now since I'm taking advanced music classes and I'm beginning to realize how much work and how much brillance it takes to write I appreciate it even more.

- Friends: I would be lost without them, they do so much for me that they don't even know the impact they have on my life

- Education: even though some days I don't want to go to school I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to learn and grow and have opportunities that

- Books: always book. They take me away to far off places and make me forget, at least for a little while about everything.

- Family: I don't even need to say more. They are everything in my life

- Intelligent people: thank goodness there are people in this world who make sense and are a step above all the stupid people

- Showers: after a long trying day, nothing is better

- Technology: internet, straighteners, movies, laptops, word processors, blogs, ipods, etc.

- My Country: yes its recent choice in president may not be the wisest but I am so grateful for all the opportunities I have here, freedom to speak, freedom to practice religion, freedom to live.

I am thankful for so many more things that the list would take up several several peices of paper and a very long scroll bar. But these are the things that come immediately to my mind and in light of Thanksgiving I am truly thankful for everything that I have. I am truly blessed.

Walking With Your Head Held High . . .

My friends and I had an interesting conversation tonight. It was about confidence. We were standing in line, waiting to get into an auditorium to see a play, and becoming increasingly annoyed at people who wanted to but us (we were the first in line). We inched forward little by little, as if to show the people in front who stood next to us, who was really first.

We mentioned that if we had more confidence we would tell them straight off that the back of line was clear back there, and what they were doing was rude. However, we did not. But it got us discussing how many things you could get away with when you are confident. If you walk with your head held high and like you own the place, rarely will people stop you. You could pull off any outfit and people will admire your spunk and creativity. People respect you because you are sure of who you are.

Earlier in the day we discussed how some people were made to make others look better. Foil Characters is what I called them. Stupid people make smart people smarter, ugly people make beautiful people more beautiful, etc. It got me to thinking, as my friend and I discussed, that in all reality I'm one of those foil characters, but not entirely. My confidence level does not shoot through the roof, but I'm not one to be completely disappear into the shadows to make another person seem much more beautiful or witty. I think that is something that I need to work on. Being more confident, leaving my shell a little more, walking with my head held higher and my shoulders a little more back (not in my custom slouch), and leave my foil character behind.

I Didn't Know I Could Love A Movie More Than Pride and Prejudice

I didn't think it was even possible to love a movie more than I loved Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, but last weekend proved me wrong. My best friend and I got together last weekend to watch the BBC Miniseries North and South based off of Elizabeth Gaskell's novel about the Industrial Revolution in England, on a few peoples recommendations. During the entire movie we were both on pins and needles freaking out as we watched the drama unfold between these two characters. It was more intense than P&P and so much more realistic. I loved that they showed both sides of the Industrial Revolution, from the rich merchant class (Mr. Thornton, that gorgeous man) to the poor street urchins, with Margaret Hale (the main lady) acting as the middle ground between these two groups.

It was ultimately a romance of misunderstandings and pride, but it was so well put together, and the ending just made me melt. I can't believe that I have went my entire life without seeing this movie in all of its splendor and grief and gorgeous men (her brother Fredrick is also very attractive). The themes behind the movie, the romance, the videotography, and the musical score, made this an amazing movie that is definitely my favorite.

"There is more than one way to burn a book."

I was actually really surprised how much I liked Fahrenheit 451. I came into the book, not expecting a whole bunch. It was just a book about burning books, right? Not even. I really enjoyed Bradbury’s writing style, and his book set me thinking about it. I keep on referring back to it in my thoughts and make brief comments about it in conversations. It shocked me in his afterword, that slowly throughout the years, his book about censorship has been censored, cut down, minimalized. All the swear words were taken out of the novel, it was condensed for school versions, and it shocked me because I realized that we do that already. We shorten books; take out things that offend us, really, what else are abridged novels for.

I actually realized that I am against the censorship of books already, I hate reading the abridged books because I feel like I don’t get the whole scope of the novel. That is why I read the unabridged Les Miserables by Victor Hugo and The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas, just to name a few. I don’t mind at all that they are over one thousand pages in length.

I loved the themes represented in the book. The reality vs the technology represented in the parlor room, life, death, casual war. For some reason it really hit home especially looking at all the changes that are happening in the world right now. I don’t think that that type of censorship will ever happen, but I see a world where change is happening, other countries look at us with disgust, intelligence becoming less and less important, our students not wanting to learn. I felt myself being shocked by this book, but loving it at the same time, and I’m glad to say that if this really would happen I think I would find myself with the book-keepers or be in the same company with the lady who burnt herself with her books.

Because a life without books is really no life at all.

Forgetting to Take Time

Fall is one of my favorite times a year. I say that a little posthumously here since snow has already graced the ground, but I can't pass by my favorite season without saying something. I love the crisp sweater weather and the gorgeous colors on the trees and the food like firm and sweet apples and turkey. But lately it has seemed to go by so fast. I haven't enjoyed the season much this year because summer left so late and winter came too early.

I walked home from school the other day, the first time I have in a while, and thought about all the things that I am forgetting to take time to do. I should spend more time with my family, more time giving service, more time being a good friend. But I haven't. I've been stuck focusing on myself, what homework needs to be done, what colleges I should apply for, me, me , me, me. As I was walking I felt ashamed that I have been so self-centered, so focused on what I think I need I forget to take the time for what is really important.

That is what I love about walks. They give time for reflection, where there is none in this crazy busy world. They give time to find out who you really are. I find them incredibly relaxing, and it made me miss the morning walks that my best friend and I would take early in the summer mornings. I missed that, this past summer. I miss the time that we put aside just to talk like we can't in school. I miss the beautiful morning air, and the vigor it gave me to finish off my day with energy.

Maybe I should take more time and go for a walk more often. Maybe I should do self-reflections a little more and discover myself. Maybe I can do better and not be so self-focused. Maybe, just maybe I won't forget to take time for what really is important

What Will I Do?

I don't know how much I actually like the idea of Obama being president, I guess for being only seventeen I'm pretty conservative. But I have resigned myself to the fact that that is how its going to be and since I'm to young to really vote I have to accept the reality of the countries decision. He'll give us change all right, but I don't think that its the change that we are looking for, the words socialist and communist immediately coming to mind.

Even though some may say that I am stuck where I am, there are always other options. I can move to Canada :) or I can accept the fact and try to be the best United States citizen that I can be. I chose the later because why fight against something that I can't change. I'm not saying that I will be a passive person who stands by and would watch the government fail, but I guess I'm limited to simply voting (in 6 months!) and voicing my opinion, and I'll try very hard not to impose my opinions on others.

So Very Sick of It All

I don't know if I can stand seeing another die hard Twilight fans jumping up and down with excitement about the upcoming movie. I decided that I really do not like them at all (sorry to all my friends that do love them). It drives me nuts that when I walk down the halls at school that is all that people are reading. Get a grip. There are so many better books out there. I find Bella to be quite pathetic and weak, and I think that she deserves to be with Edward. They are both wimps and Jacob is so lucky to have gotten away when he did. He is a better 'person' than both of them. Anyway, the truth of the matter is that I think that they are overrated and given much more credit than they deserve, and waste my time and everyone Else's. I think it's time that people get a grip onto reality and realize that there are no such things as vampires. I'm not saying anything against the whole fiction thing, but Stephanie Meyer carried it way to far. I don't see why there is such an infatuation with the book, and the movie is sure to be a large disappointment.

You are Elizabeth Bennet of Pride & Prejudice! You are intelligent, witty, and tremendously attractive. You have a good head on your shoulders, and oftentimes find yourself the lone beacon of reason in a sea of ridiculousness. You take great pleasure in many things. You are proficient in nearly all of them, though you will never own it. Lest you seem too perfect, you have a tendency toward prejudgement that serves you very ill indeed.

Take the Quiz: http://www.strangegirl.com/emma/quiz.php


I was just randomly searching the web and found this quiz on which Austen character I am. I thought it was sort of funny, since dear Lizzy is who I am for this year's Halloween, and right now I'm tending to lean towards something a little more mindless than anything really analytical. One day I'll get more sleep . . .

Labels

So today while I was at lunch I talked with my best friends sister and her friends who were wearing these signs around their necks. Curious, I asked why and they said it was for an assignment for English because they were studying The Scarlet Letter. They had to come up a label for themselves and hang it on them for the world to see, just like Hester in the book.

It made me start thinking, what would I label myself if I was given the assignment? I started looking at other students and I probably would have labeled myself Nerd, Blonde, Molly Mormon. But then I dug a little bit deeper. Really what would I do? Would I want to portray myself more negatively as I analyze myself such as Invisible, Self-Centered, Egotistical? Or would I not want to share that with the entire school? Would I play it safe and just say Quiet or Nerd? I wouldn't fall into any one label and I don't know what I would do.

And so it begins . . .

It will be an interesting thing, to blog, to actually stick my opinion out there for anyone to read. I'll see throughout this year as I begin to 'find myself' as a start to graduate and move on to bigger and better things. Maybe actually recording what I think and feel at the time will only help me later.