I Am My Own Worst Enemy

That phrase has been heard often enough, I am my own worse enemy, but how many of us actually understand it? Last week in my seminary class I had a lesson on loving oneself, and it got me thinking how truly hard it is. It is easy to compliment others on their hair or their clothes, but when it comes to us we can’t seem to accept people’s compliments. We are our own worst critic, seeing every flaw even when they don’t exist. It is like the people who say that they are fat when they wear a size 2. That just bothers me.

I continued to think on it though. What does loving oneself truly mean? I have decided that it means that you respect your self for who you are, and you accept yourself for all the weaknesses and flaws that you have. When you love yourself you see your strengths as well as your weaknesses and you work hard to become all that you can be. Loving oneself it not egotistical, it does not give you rights to brag, it is to accept who you are, appreciate where you have been and what you have become.

When we have self respect then the whole world is open to us because we know that we can do anything. Even when we fail we can pick ourselves up once again because we are optimistic that things will change because we can do so.

Loving oneself is hard, it is not an easy journey to take, but I can only hope that once I reach that point, my love for others will grow as well as my love for God. Today I will stop being my own worse enemy and try to be my own best friend.

No Man is An Island . . .

"No man is an island unto himself." These famous words written by John Donne have been sticking in my mind for the past couple of days. I seem to find myself more and more alone lately as I hide in my room pouring over textbooks and writing essays, but the more I think about it, I can never be truly alone. I cannot hide away on my personal island, because even though I may shrink away from the shore, as soon as I look up I notice more and more islands besides me. This makes me exceptionally grateful to my friends and family who are always right besides me, supporting me, helping me.

Being alone, I think, is all an allusion. You can be surrounded by people but feel completely alone, or be all by yourself and reading an old letter written by a dear one and feel their love reach out to you over oceans and mountains, or even across just the street. Being alone, I think is a choice that we all make. We choose to be social, or to cast ourselves out of the group. True, some may take more effort than others, but in the end, we can't really blame people for ostracizing us because we chose it. If we really want to be apart of something, then we just have to do it. People are willing to welcome you if you make the effort to do so.

No man is an island because we are all a part of something much bigger. A community. A friendship. A family. Even if you don't feel like you belong, you do. People care about people and so they care about others, about you, about me.

All The Small Things

I don't think that we give thanks as often as we should. Small things happen every single day that go unnoticed, unthanked. We, or at least I, forget to say thank you so many times a day it hurts me to think about it, especially since I only thought about it in the spirit of Thanksgiving. Some of the small things that I am thankful for are:

- Music: especially now since I'm taking advanced music classes and I'm beginning to realize how much work and how much brillance it takes to write I appreciate it even more.

- Friends: I would be lost without them, they do so much for me that they don't even know the impact they have on my life

- Education: even though some days I don't want to go to school I am so thankful that I have the opportunity to learn and grow and have opportunities that

- Books: always book. They take me away to far off places and make me forget, at least for a little while about everything.

- Family: I don't even need to say more. They are everything in my life

- Intelligent people: thank goodness there are people in this world who make sense and are a step above all the stupid people

- Showers: after a long trying day, nothing is better

- Technology: internet, straighteners, movies, laptops, word processors, blogs, ipods, etc.

- My Country: yes its recent choice in president may not be the wisest but I am so grateful for all the opportunities I have here, freedom to speak, freedom to practice religion, freedom to live.

I am thankful for so many more things that the list would take up several several peices of paper and a very long scroll bar. But these are the things that come immediately to my mind and in light of Thanksgiving I am truly thankful for everything that I have. I am truly blessed.

Walking With Your Head Held High . . .

My friends and I had an interesting conversation tonight. It was about confidence. We were standing in line, waiting to get into an auditorium to see a play, and becoming increasingly annoyed at people who wanted to but us (we were the first in line). We inched forward little by little, as if to show the people in front who stood next to us, who was really first.

We mentioned that if we had more confidence we would tell them straight off that the back of line was clear back there, and what they were doing was rude. However, we did not. But it got us discussing how many things you could get away with when you are confident. If you walk with your head held high and like you own the place, rarely will people stop you. You could pull off any outfit and people will admire your spunk and creativity. People respect you because you are sure of who you are.

Earlier in the day we discussed how some people were made to make others look better. Foil Characters is what I called them. Stupid people make smart people smarter, ugly people make beautiful people more beautiful, etc. It got me to thinking, as my friend and I discussed, that in all reality I'm one of those foil characters, but not entirely. My confidence level does not shoot through the roof, but I'm not one to be completely disappear into the shadows to make another person seem much more beautiful or witty. I think that is something that I need to work on. Being more confident, leaving my shell a little more, walking with my head held higher and my shoulders a little more back (not in my custom slouch), and leave my foil character behind.

I Didn't Know I Could Love A Movie More Than Pride and Prejudice

I didn't think it was even possible to love a movie more than I loved Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice, but last weekend proved me wrong. My best friend and I got together last weekend to watch the BBC Miniseries North and South based off of Elizabeth Gaskell's novel about the Industrial Revolution in England, on a few peoples recommendations. During the entire movie we were both on pins and needles freaking out as we watched the drama unfold between these two characters. It was more intense than P&P and so much more realistic. I loved that they showed both sides of the Industrial Revolution, from the rich merchant class (Mr. Thornton, that gorgeous man) to the poor street urchins, with Margaret Hale (the main lady) acting as the middle ground between these two groups.

It was ultimately a romance of misunderstandings and pride, but it was so well put together, and the ending just made me melt. I can't believe that I have went my entire life without seeing this movie in all of its splendor and grief and gorgeous men (her brother Fredrick is also very attractive). The themes behind the movie, the romance, the videotography, and the musical score, made this an amazing movie that is definitely my favorite.